Mirror, Mirror

877535Dear Housewives,

Picture it. Vancouver, 2015.

Kit’s company was holding one of its parties. A little get-together, spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends and dogs invited. They turn the conference room into a buffet of Doritos and sushi, and we all meander around the office with our tipples, chit-chatting about banal topics. I had been cornered near the the Cheez-It bowl. Kit’s co-worker was droning on about how people are always surprised about her age.

“Oh, people are always thinking I’m ten years younger than I am! I just happen to look younger.” She continued on talking about how young she looked. On and on.

I stood there sipping my pousse café and thought to myself, “Well, she does look good. Ten years younger? I had no idea she was in her sixties!” I was about to say how shocked I was that she was nearing retirement when she said, “No one ever guesses that I’m actually 42.”

And Portman Doe was glad she kept her mouth shut for once as she nearly spit out her pousse café.

Let that be a lesson for you, housewives. If people tell you that you look younger than you are, then it might be true. If you feel the need to endlessly brag about people telling you that you look younger than you are, then you are likely old and haggard.

 

Yours,

Portman Doe