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942101Dear Housewives,

Do you know a lady who owns a cat or two? Do you notice that they often Instagram their cats? That they often talk about their cats as loved ones? Perhaps in their homes they have special spots reserved for their pets? Are they obsessed with looking at cats on the Internet? I put it to you, housewives, that it is very possible that these women are succumbing to the effects of toxoplasmosis.

What is toxoplasmosis? In case you missed that episode of House, according to the BC Centre for Disease Control,

Toxoplasmosis is a common disease found in birds and mammals across North America. The infection is caused by a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii and infects about 20 out of every 100 people in North America by the time they are adults.

That’s right, housewives, twenty percent of adults are infected. There might be more people infected than there are gays. The BC Centre for Disease Control provides us with some of the symptoms: sore muscles, tiredness, sore throat. I ask all cat-owning housewives: Have you had any of those symptoms? Have you been tired? Have you had sore muscles?

Those symptoms are but a few of the effects of toxoplasmosis. Other vetted sources, such as freakyphenomena.com, give us a fuller picture regarding the evils of this parasitic infection:

    What can cause schizophrenia, depression, and skin lesions, and makes you like cats? Believe it or not, a parasite carried by cats can actually turn you into a cat person!

    Mice and rats which are infected with toxoplasmosis not only lose their fear of cats – they are driven to seek out the smell of cat urine. The benefit to the parasite is obvious: if you have to move from a mouse into a cat as a new host, what better way to accomplish the move than by making the mouse a cat-lover?

    But weirdly, this effect has also been observed in people. In one long-range study, people who disliked or were neutral on the topic of cats were surveyed years later. Those who had been infected with toxoplasmosis in the intervening years showed a marked increase in their love for cats, compared to those who didn’t have toxoplasmosis.

Well, what can I say, other than haven’t you noticed that there are certain women who seem oblivious that they smell like cat urine?

Always the helpful housewife, I brought this information to one of Kit’s acquaintances who exhibits many of the symptoms. She’s heterosexual, single, never well-coifed, and makes poor apparel choices: your typical cat-lady/toxoplasmosis victim. Unfortunately, she did not appreciate my intervention and refused to listen to reason. Obviously, the more serious parasitic effects have set in.

 

Yours,

Portman Doe