Posts By: Portman Doe

Mirror, Mirror

Dear Housewives, Picture it. Vancouver, 2015. Kit’s company was holding one of its parties. A little get-together, spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends and dogs invited. They turn the conference room into a buffet of Doritos and sushi, and we all meander around the office with our tipples, chit-chatting about banal topics. I had been cornered near the… Read more »

Being camp

Dear Housewives, A couple of weeks ago, Kit and I took a big step in our relationship. Although, I should say it was more than just a step. It was a move to expand our horizons. To challenge ourselves. To grow as individuals and as a couple. We went camping. There are lesbians who love to… Read more »

Murder, She Rote

Dear Housewives, Many people would argue that watching cozy murder mysteries is a mindless form of entertainment: an hour or so of clean cut whodunnit with minimal gore and a tight wrap-up. Those people have shortchanged the cozy mystery. Through extensive televisual research, I have come to realize that Jessica Fletcher, Hercule Poirot, and Rosemary… Read more »

We are all Magi

Dear Housewives, Easter is almost here. I can tell because Pinterest keeps suggesting pages about crafting the perfect Easter display. Just using things around the house, you can make your own burlap and marshmallow peep wreath. Don’t let your kids use a ready-made basket for the Easter egg hunt. Take a cereal box and papier-mâché it to… Read more »

Don we now our gay apparel

Dear Housewives, The holiday season is no longer upon us. Thank goodness. If you’re anything like me, and you probably are, exhaustion has set in. You can only muster the energy to watch entire seasons of Miranda and Project Runway: All Stars. You’re probably asking yourself, “How did this happen?” or “Why am I now wearing leggings… Read more »

Astronautical Delights

Dear Housewives, Kit and I are hooked on the TV series Extant. Privatization of space exploration. Aliens or viruses or something. Androids. Its star-filled cast includes Halle Berry, Hiroyuki Sanada, Goran Visnijc, Camryn Manheim and Pierce Gagnon, the little boy who blew my mind in Looper. But Extant is ridiculous, and here’s why: (SPOILERS, housewives. Spoilers. But not for the most recent episodes.) Let’s start… Read more »

Portman Doe and the Case of the Shit-tastic Zucchini Bread

Dear Housewives, I recently repainted my kitchen and doing so required that I clean every inch of my domestic haven. There behind the microwave, I found the recipe for my grandmother’s zucchini bread. The best thing about my grandmother’s recipe is that it’s pretty much identical to almost all other recipes for zucchini bread on… Read more »