Posts Categorized: Do-gooder Activities

No kick from champagne

Dear Housewives, Regrettably, I, Portman Doe, purveyoress of queer housewife wisdom, have not been doing well. Things started out fine. I began my day by donating my time to a charitable cause. My friends have a new yacht and needed company on the water. I obliged despite the havoc on my tresses. A lesson for you, housewives:… Read more »

Put down the knitting, the book and the broom

Dear Housewives, As you all know, my fear of being featured on any hoarding-related reality television series means that I frequently cull my closet. Separating the dowdy chaff from the sequinned wheat is difficult for many housewives, and I’m here to help. I have composed… Portman Doe’s Culling Criteria for Closeted Clothing Would Liza Minnelli wear it?… Read more »

Know It All

Dear Housewives, I am deluged with emails from you all, begging me for advice, so I decided that I should probably dip into the Fendi mailbag. Today, for your benefit, housewives, is the first instalment of Portman Doe Knows It All. Dear Portman, I am concerned that I have ugly feet. Janet from Vancouver, British Columbia Dear… Read more »

Calling Lady Gregor

Dear Housewives, Exciting times here in Vancouver! It’s raining. I tried my manicured hand at making pretzels. The Vancouver Pride Society Board (rightfully) banned Christie Clark and the BC Liberals from participating in the Pride Parade. And municipal party Vision Vancouver has come up with a pretty triumphant idea for stirring up its gay vote: an evening at… Read more »

Hot stuff

Dear Housewives, If there is one thing queer housewives never do, it’s sweat. Glistening is acceptable during certain activities such as playing a vigorous game of badminton or cooking gourmet food over a hot stove. Sweat avoidance is, of course, difficult to do in the sweltering summer months of the Pacific Northwest. Today, for example, it’s… Read more »

A Very Special Episode of Portman Doe

Dear Housewives, I have once again neglected you. Kit and I have been extremely busy over the past few months while starting our homemade compound butter business. (It’s called Fundamentalist Butter. The Bountiful Blueberry butter is ah-mazing.) However, I have returned with a very important PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT regarding the most excellent Wachowskis/Netflix extravaganza Sense8. I realize that I should have… Read more »

Thank you for choosing Cat Facts

Dear Housewives, Do you know a lady who owns a cat or two? Do you notice that they often Instagram their cats? That they often talk about their cats as loved ones? Perhaps in their homes they have special spots reserved for their pets? Are they obsessed with looking at cats on the Internet? I… Read more »

Being camp

Dear Housewives, A couple of weeks ago, Kit and I took a big step in our relationship. Although, I should say it was more than just a step. It was a move to expand our horizons. To challenge ourselves. To grow as individuals and as a couple. We went camping. There are lesbians who love to… Read more »

The sweet smell of bush

Dear Housewives, A popular and true notion, as one heads into a future of Botox and Rejuvenex, exfoliation is the stop-gap measure for the appearance of a smoother forehead. Recently, there’s been much ado about scrubbing in the news. Housewives should take note! We need a product that is natural and environmentally friendly. Conveniently for… Read more »