Posts Categorized: Keeping up Appearances

Don we now our gay apparel

Dear Housewives, The holiday season is no longer upon us. Thank goodness. If you’re anything like me, and you probably are, exhaustion has set in. You can only muster the energy to watch entire seasons of Miranda and Project Runway: All Stars. You’re probably asking yourself, “How did this happen?” or “Why am I now wearing leggings… Read more »

The sweet smell of bush

Dear Housewives, A popular and true notion, as one heads into a future of Botox and Rejuvenex, exfoliation is the stop-gap measure for the appearance of a smoother forehead. Recently, there’s been much ado about scrubbing in the news. Housewives should take note! We need a product that is natural and environmentally friendly. Conveniently for… Read more »

Ratface

Dear Housewives, I, Portman Doe, am a terrible person. I have a younger sister, and like many older sisters and younger sisters, we haven’t always gotten along. Sometimes I would call her Ratface. I feel particularly bad about this now because my sister does not look like a rat. Not at all. In fact, if… Read more »

Bamboozled or Bamglühweined?

Dear Housewives, Nelson Mandela has passed away. You may have heard. It’s all over the twitters and quite the controversy, too. Some people are talking about how Mandela was a great pacifist. Yeah, he was so down with apartheid that he thought that fighting over it was stupid. As our way to avoid historical revisionism,… Read more »

Murder most fall

Dear Housewives, Whew, what a fall it has been! Positively autumnal! I have been very busy, as always, and I am in recovery from the near-death experience of my beloved fiancée, Kit. (By the way, Google, nice job on the hetero definition of fiancée, but back to the tragic near demise of my lady love…*)… Read more »

We be jammin’

Dear Housewives, When my best friend Edna asked me if I’d like to come over to make jam, I immediately said yes. After all, having already learned a bit about making cheese, crafting my own shoes, and baking bread, canning would be the perfect addition to my domestic repertoire. I was very worried that canning… Read more »

The Miracle Worker

Dear Housewives, Yesterday was full of excitement, drama, and a possible career opportunity in the field of healthcare. I need a new pair of glasses. When I told Kit this last week, she decided I needed an eye exam by an actual doctor, and she called up her ophthalmologist and made me an appointment. I’m… Read more »